When I thought I was being original

On being back, or also, I would have not expected what then happened.

But first, here is some context the justifies me coming back to write over here after so much time:

well, life, and now a quarantine. So simple.

After spending yet another video call telling a friend how much of an opportunity this quarantine is, for us lucky ones with a job, to take more time to reflect on our lives, I got hit. Hit by the fact that many of the things I mention I do not do. 

Mind me, I am a very enthusiastic person, and it would not be realistic to do everything I mention. However, one thing could be done. Even better, it should be done: coming back to writing. Jumping that leap and taking advantage of this time at home to push some work on my childhood dream.

Classic Alice. I can already feel the excitement, I picture this perfect blog, where I can spend few evenings a week writing. After a while, I could even make some collections on different topics: news, productivity, activity. Why not even food, now that I discovered myself a passionate chef. Oh, now that I think about it, a Youtube channel would enhance the chances to get an audience even more. Annoying that there is no location in the house with good light to film. Anyway, I also thought a podcast would be better, it would even allow me to do interviews. More efficient to allow everybody to listen on-the-go. Great, one more thing together with coffee that we can ruin for the sake of efficiency. I should stop being so strict and judgmental, but maybe I should stick to writing. Maybe I should wait.

All of this, in my head, in a loop.

It is not particularly enjoyable, and I am sorry if you actually spent time reading it. But after few days of that monster above, I took courage and opened my computer. The surprise could not be greater when I found an okay blog page already set-up and an maybe-debatable-but-rather-okay blog post!

Lost in the flow of life, I enjoyed this carousel of thoughts once already and then failed to stick to it. The third post is the charm, correct?

Reviewing my very tight plan - I was in a strict moment of life during the first posts - I now proclaim myself allowed to do whatever the fuck I want. And yes, I can also write 10 minutes posts if I will ever feel like it. Name is cool, so it will stay for now. 

#1 - On keeping sanity during a self-isolation.

Things have changed gradually up here in the North. While I was desperately thinking whether it may be a good idea to join my family and isolate with them during these difficult times, the sun was shining. The city of Berlin was having the first warm scented breezes, that bring you back to the warm dark along the canals in Kreuzberg. I find these currents quite fascinating and representative of this city. Your smell, that for all you know maybe froze during those home-to-office bike rides, seems to be back. I cannot avoid taking deep, long breaths of the dry magic that will bring the city back to life - do these in parks, Frankfurter Allee may damage your health.

As for the first snow, not only my inner child could not hold still, hundreds of fellow citizens occupied the Strassen, jumped on the ice creams and wallpapered the parks with colourful blankets.

And people were dying.

How easy it is to forget what you do not see. How easy it is to think that there is 'us' and 'them'. Ice cream makes this process even tastier.

I was preoccupied, barricaded at home, almost waiting for a bomb to drop. I knew what could happen, I could hear all the pain the friends and family were sending in form of stunted audio messages over chats. Why was nobody doing anything?

Slowly everybody was at home, and I was still waiting for the bomb. Of course, I was not hoping for the worse to replicate here, but when enduring tension, some parts of my unconscious seems it only get relief in finally seeing the dreaded thing happening. Hopefully, this is not the case.

And once more it is the topic of discussion. Crawling in the conversation - not always so quiet - and transforming a chat with my mom into a statistics reportage that beats most data analysts' lunch break debates.

What will happen here? 

Why us seems to be silently screamed questions? Why us when we were already not strong enough to endure such a pain? Thinking of fairness in randomness distracts the fools from learnings and solutions.

And so here we are, our parks are almost empty and our minds are full to bursting of scary unknown and tragic humour on toiler paper.

To keep sane, 

I cannot flare against all the people on the sidewalk. It is out of my control.

I should contain my Covid-19 (reading) consumption to a few articles a day, preferably at lunchtime so the digestive system can handle them better.

I pair a strong routine regime - work helps with that, with empty experimentation spaces. 

I avoid excessive time with myself with a good dose of German classes and online courses.

I read.

I move.

I plan adventures.

There was not really an initial conclusion I wanted to reach with this writing (note to my future okay writer self, it is maybe good to have one).

At least some tension is off, leaving space for other thoughts.

And it is later over here, so goodnight.

A.